The Reluctant Networker

By Ashley Wilemon, Vice President

Growing up, I wanted to be a talent agent. Yup – just like Ari Gold. I wanted to be the power behind the celebrity… making deals and trafficking in one of our society’s most elusive and bewildering commodities – fame. But the more I learned about that world, the more I was turned off by the idea that to get anything done, you had to “know someone.”

"Why,” I thought, “Should I have to ‘know someone’ to be successful? Shouldn’t my work speak for itself? Shouldn’t my effort be enough?” I was turned off by the idea of being nice to someone as a means to some self-serving end. So, I switched career aspirations and ended up in…. public relations!?!?

*record scratch*

I know, I know. Why would I go into an industry that is essentially built on the ‘knowing someone’ model… on building and maintaining mutually beneficial relationships? Because I realized I could provide value, and that made all the difference. Once I stopped thinking about networking as a tool for people to do something for me and started thinking of it as a way for me to do something for them, it wasn’t such an unsavory concept. The first time you’re able to use your network to help a reporter who is struggling to put together the last source for a story or help a client tell a meaningful story about their business, then the purpose becomes clear. Networking isn’t about favors, it’s about connecting resources.

To some people, it comes naturally, but to many, the idea of walking up to someone and talking to them is as foreign as Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964) and as frightening as Godzilla vs. Mothra (1992).  So, here are six simple steps to break through that barrier. They won’t turn you into the world’s Next Great Networker (which would be a great reality show, by the way), but it might set you on the right path.

• Choose a strategic location. Attending a happy hour? Many times people break from the group to refresh their drink. Or if you linger by the door, you can catch folks before they settle into groups. Is there a great view or an interesting piece of artwork that can be used to start a conversation?  
• Find common ground. “What are you drinking? I stuck with the Pinot Grigio, but I thought I might try the Chardonnay next time. Is it any good?” Whether it’s wine or the weather – or maybe you attended the same seminar that day – find something to start the conversation. Introductions and background come more naturally after initial contact has been established.
• Use a wingman or woman. Is there someone you know, even as an acquaintance? Enlist his/her help in your networking mission. Ask them to introduce you to a few people, and then return the favor if you can.
• Be honest. Everyone’s been that person who knows no one, so don’t be afraid to embrace the awkwardness and just go up to an individual or a small group and say, “I don’t know anyone here, but I’m really hoping to meet a few new people. Can I start with you?”
• Set a goal. It doesn’t have to be ambitious, but if you tell yourself that you’re going to collect five business cards or talk to ten new people, you can feel okay about letting yourself off the hook once you’ve accomplished your goal for the evening.
• Read the signs. Be aware of the difference between a deep conversation between friends and light chatting among acquaintances, and know when it’s time to exchange cards and move on to your next networking target.